There are many different ways of doing psychotherapy, but I personally find that one-on-one sessions suit me best as a practitioner. Having one person, one voice, and one story to keep track of allows me to process our sessions on multiple levels without getting overwhelmed, burnt out, or bored.

And for you, the opportunity is the same. You have no one’s feelings to worry about but your own and you can devote your whole attention to remembering, feeling, and processing your own experiences.

Informal and Conversational

In my experience, formality comes from the fear of being vulnerable, of being known too closely. And in therapy, a formal approach often reinforces many of the psychological structures that are causing people problems in the first place. After all, the goal is not to force you into a particular “acceptable” personality, but to discover who you are without the external expectations that are imposed upon us from birth onwards.

Roles

That said, each of us has our role to play, and this basically boils down to the fact that it is your emotions and memories we are working with. After all, I can’t help if I don’t know what’s troubling you…

You

Expressing thoughts, memories, and feelings without fear of crossing invisible lines is the core of the therapeutic process. But it takes effort to push yourself over those lines, and it takes time to trust that I am indeed as accepting as I say I am.

Changing old ways of doing things takes patience and persistence, and as supportive and encouraging as I may be, that effort and perseverence can only come from you.

No one is listening, and no one is judging anything either of us says or any of the subjects we talk about. So to start with, all you have to do is show up and talk about yourself and your experiences. The rest will follow naturally.

Me

I am a good conversationalist and know how to ask questions in a way that are engaging and stimulating, but I also know the value of holding silence, giving you time to think and feel, to let emotions rise and fall away naturally.

My role is to listen, remember, and be curious, to help you explore the breadth of your experience and parse the confusing-seeming mess that often results. I express empathy and sympathy, but I also challenge assumptions and suggest new ways of interpreting old feelings.

But it is always a dialogue. I may have a head full of psychological theory that helps things make sense, but you are the one who knows your experience best of all.

Things to Think About

Time Frames. I have clients I’ve been working with for 4 years, and people I worked with for 6 weeks, but as a ballpark, a year of therapy is a reasonable expectation. That said, this depends very much on you; some people need ongoing support, and some people just need a kick-start to break out of a funk and get themselves going. Ultimately, it depends on what we’re working on and how deeply you want to dig into yourself.

Consistency. Everyone has limited bandwidth, and so the most important thing is to be as consistent as you can be. You can spend 30 minutes a day journalling, or maybe our session time is the only chance you get to slow down and reflect. Regardless of how things work out, our conversations are the battery charge that keeps the change process alive outside of our sessions. And so it’s a good idea to be as consistent and predictable as possible with our scheduling.

Frequency. In general, I’m happy to be as flexible as possible, but it’s generally a good idea to meet regularly according to a predictable pattern. Whether this is weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly sessions, depending on your availability and budget. More importantly, this will depend on how much immediate support you need and how much time you need between sessions. As an example, it’s not uncommon to start with weekly, cut back to bi-weekly after 10 sessions, and eventually drop down to once-a-month once you’re feeling more secure in your process.

Extra-Curricular Effort. The length of time your therapy will take depends not on how many sessions we have, but on how deeply you engage with your psychological life outside of our sessions. Basically, the more you put in, the more you get out. That said, watching yourself like a hawk 24/7 is a great way to burn yourself out. So, the only real requirement is that you start paying more attention to what’s happening in your mind and body, and becoming more engaged with and reflective about your day-to-day experiences.

Therapy Day. Many people find it helpful to have a Therapy Day. Few people have the ability to wipe their schedules for a whole day, but you can set yourself up for a productive and satisfying session by taking a few minutes to reflect on your recent experiences as they relate to what we’ve been working on. You can also hitch any new habits you want to develop to the timing of our session; going for a walk before or after a session, or taking a break from your usual work/entertainment to go to the gym or practice the piano.